My namesake (&Happy New Year)

Happy New Year to everyone. Especially Ebony who says she's been looking for me to put something on my blog. Well here it goes. The New Year is lame so far but no less dramatic. Can't choose those family members.

To your right is Anitra Ford. A Barker Beauty I was named after. I've always been curious about what she looked like so I finally googled her. I used to not like my name. It seemed so different. It's funny how you grow up and things change. Now I like my name because not too many people have it and it doesn't have an -isha or ika ending. hahaha anyway....

I've always dreamed of going on The Price is Right , but of course with Bob on. I haven't seen Drew Carey yet and I really don't even want to. Oh well not the first dream to be shot to hell.

See Below

I put together a little collage above to explain how I've been feeling. Not really lately but for a long time. Like forever! I know it's not really a positive thing but an honest thing. Emotional pain really does hurt. It hurts physically, mentally, and spiritually. Your in a fog and you can't see what's in front of you. A very scary feeling. I have my little kitten sitting on my lap right now and I'm not feeling any pain. Even though Peyn is my new spelling for it. Looks cooler. Means something more. Until I find a better way to post stuff please click on image above and understand my Peyn.

PEYN

Massa N'em

The Van Leers


(my spelling Van Lier)
My research has taken me back to this Swiss Mountains. Of course this is Massa's people not necessarily mine but I do have the "Van Leer" last name so my ancestors definitely worked their land. At one point A.W. Van Leer had 114 slaves which means he was doing very well for himself (because of my ancestors). I may or may not have the Swiss/German and even Russian blood the "Van Leers'" did but then again we don't know who was Massa's chillin either. It's good to know your history but what I'm finding, a "Van Leer" had a hand in clearing out some of the Midwest including Western PA which means he raped, killed and destroyed the Native Americans who were already residing in this area. But anyway that's just 200 years ago and a couple million savages just wandering around. This is also so eerily my history also because my ancestors obviously did a lot for middle Tennessee and I believe a lot of PA in the Philadelphia and Reading, PA areas. Stay tuned for my research and anger. Here is Massa's website www.vanleerplus.org

A Change is Going to Come

This is from my horoscope recently. Lately, it's as if you've been riding a roller coaster on which you're forbidden to scream. It's as if you've been trying to suppress your laughter as you watch a series of the funniest stand up comedians on the planet. It's like you've been ordered to sit stiffly in a chair and keep your feet motionless while your favorite band plays the dance music you love best. I hope you won't put up with this predicament any longer, Taurus. Either scream, laugh and dance, or else escape any situation that's keeping you clamped down.

This horoscope is really scarey because I really do need to get off of my ass and do something. I hate this job I'm sitting at right now but can't seem to get motivated. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? Maybe not taking care of my Diabetes is one of them. I am a living example of bad eating, sleeping, and everything else habits that really do make a difference in your body. I don't have one ounce of energy and wonder why I'm not doing anything productive. Don't be like me: START MOVING!

Mi tattoo

Hey guys. I know ugly pic but I got my first tattoo. Im so excited. It's the symbol for Taurus the Bull my zodiac sign. I already want more. this is a big step for me choosing to do something that will be so permanent. Wait until I cover my whole back!!!! Hahaha just kidding...maybe.

Saying hello after long time

Hey there! This is for the -10 people who view this blog. I haven't said anything in a while. Probably because I've been depressed. Not because of anything specific my hormones just don't like me very much. To the left is the ring I wear everyday celebrating being a woman.

Give me some time I'll be back. Soon as my seratonin decides what it wants to do. Hopefully the levels with start to go up now that it is nice and sunny out.